Notice to evacuate
February 26, 2005
Dear Matthew,
This is your official eviction notice. You have exactly one week from today to evacuate the premises. These terms were stated in the original lease, so don’t try to tell me you didn’t see this coming. You’ve had a wonderful stay so far. No landlord could ask for a better tenant. You’re entertaining (an interesting tumbling act that you’ve come to perfect), you don’t eat much, you sleep at odd times, but you are very quite when you’re awake. I won’t hold the pains and discomfort against you, I know the space has been very limited, but it’s all I had to offer you for the nine months (plus this extra week) of your lease time. Just so you know, there’s no reason to take the whole week to finish packing and moving out. I’ll do what I can to help, but it might not be without a lot of screaming. Can’t say you haven’t been warned.
In case you’re worried about where you’re going to live next, that’s all taken care of. You have a great room, all to yourself when you get here. It’s decorated with love and care and filled with toys, really soft blankets, a crib that will keep you safe while you sleep, musical interludes, a great changing station for your diapering needs, PLUS, you’ll have full reign of the rest of the house. There’s a place for you to sit and be entertained in every room. Be it the living room where your swing is, the family room and kitchen where there a high chair and a play pen are waiting for you and a cradle in your parent’s room. Your transportation arrangements are also quite convenient. A stroller and car seat are at your disposal with excellent, personal drivers to get you wherever you need to go. Speaking of your drivers, these are your OH SO GENEROUS and loving caretakers who will be allowing you to live with them for the next 18-? years rent free. You will be well fed, bathed, diapered, kissed and unimaginably and unconditionally loved. All your needs will be taken care of and again, did I mention at no cost to you whatsoever? You don’t even have to look for a job.
So any time you’re ready to make your first appearance (sometime in the next week), we’re waiting for you with open arms to love you forever and teach you all about life in this world.
Love, (with hugs and kisses - that you’ll soon be able to feel and love)
Your mom
PS. Like I’ve been telling you all along, there’s lots of other little people who are waiting to be your friends. There’s your cousin Gino, and buddies Xander, Max, Drew, Jack and Jacob (those are the guys) … and then there’s the pretty girls too, Kayla and Beth … the whole fresh gang of newcomers just waiting for the next member of their club. And the GRANDPARENTS. WOW. You have no idea…do you feel the love? Oh I felt a kick. That must mean you’re getting a clue. See you soon, buddy. Love you!
posted by Magvou @ 6:37 AM
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