The tears finally came

I had just told our Wed night prayer group that I hadn't been able to cry about our church closing up to that point. I was still in shock by the news and the last meeting. I predicted that it would "hit" me like a ton of bricks when we started the process of visiting churches and trying to fit in. That prediction didn't take long to come true. Sunday morning Chris and I ventured out to the first church we'd visit since the closing of Midtown Community. After dropping Matthew off at the nursery with a woman who said she runs her own day care business at home and that Matthew was the only infant so far in there for the day, we proceeded to the sanctuary where we wondered if we'd see the couple who we knew went to that church. And there they were in the lobby. They are friends with our pastor and his wife, so they knew exactly why we were there and what was going on in our lives. As soon as the words "This is the first church we've visited since Midtown closed" came out of my mouth, so did the tears start welling up in my eyes. I told the woman of that couple that, "I'm a crier and I haven't cried yet. So I'll probably cry here". She assured me that it was fine because she cries every Sunday anyway, during the music time. So we walk in and it's a decent enough sanctuary - comfortable pews, nice enough looking people, familiar songs to worship to - but the realization that we would never again go to the church that was our home for the past 7 years came tumbling into my mind and I lost it. I cried and wept through 3-4 songs, a message from some builder and archetect telling about the reconstruction of some classrooms, and a video about missions to Hmong villages. A very kind woman came and asked if I wanted to go up front for prayer during the music. I said fine and went and hugged the new friend I had met through my pastor's wife. She was one of the prayer ministers in the front. She was crying too, and telling me she was sorry and asked God what He was doing. Two other women came and huddled with us and prayed for me. They didn't know why or for what they were praying, but God did. I knew my tears were mostly out of sadness for not ever being able to have Midtown again, but also in preparation for what God would do next, so they weren't entirely bitter tears - but definitely emotional and enough for me to shake and let them pour out.

I couldn't concentrate for a message from the book of Esther. The pastor seemed like he was explaining it well and telling a very good story at that (I've read it before - it's good) but it was lost on me. So I told Chris I'd get some water and check on Matty. He was doing fine in the nursery. Sitting up and playing with some toys and some other kids. There was one boy who was trying to hug and kiss him, as he wailed a bit (when he does that it's hard to tell if he's upset or just testing his lungs out). He smiled immediately when he saw me. I let him play a bit more and talked to the nursery workers and then I gave him a drink and let him fall asleep in my arms. That was comforting for both of us, as it usually is. Later, when I got back to the church and the service was over, I learned that the boy who was hugging and kissing Matty in the nursery was the son of the woman who prayed and cried with me. Chris has known them for 5 years, so we talked for them a bit, took a rain check on their very generous invitation for lunch and swimming at their house because we had plans for my dad's BD that afternoon, and proceeded home to figure out what to do after the morning at the first church we visited. My husband kept asking if I was ok. He always does that when I cry. I told him I was fine, but got a good gripe out that "I DON'T LIKE CHURCH IN THE MORNING" I felt like my whole day was "discombobulated" ... I decided to take a nap with Matty and hopefully wake up in a better mood.... This morning I came to the conclusion that I STILL DON'T LIKE CHURCH IN THE MORNING> But I'm willing to wait and see what God has for us. What other choice do I have?

Andiamo - my "moving on" message to the church

This is the email I sent out to the members of our church a couple days before our last meeting together, which was a dinner celebration at a restaurant called "Andiamo" where we would share memories and "say goodbye to Midtown Community" with current and former members of our church.

Aug. 18th, 2005

Dear Midtowners,

Last night many of us met at our house to share memories and discovered many things God has done for us during our time at Midtown. For those who were and weren’t there,I wanted to send out a bit of encouragement in light of the emotional meeting, and urge you to begin the process of moving on:

Most of you are probably completely unaware of how appropriate it is for us to go to the restaurant we’re going to on Sunday night. Andiamo is Italian for “Let’s go!” and that is exactly what our church community is being called to do. God seems to be giving us no other choice but to GO. I admit is hard to accept that, and had I been given the option of keeping Midtown together, I would have wanted to do so. Last night really helped to realize that Midtown was a vessel that God used to work in and through us for a time. He knew from the beginning of time that this little body of believers would be disbanding and dispersing throughout to other churches and He has a plan and a place for us all. You really never know, it could even be better than anything Midtown was capable of providing for us. I know that’s hard to believe right now, as we mourn the closing of our church. I think we just might have been a little too comfortable there. The time in my life when God worked the most is when I was the most uncomfortable, when lived in a foreign country and nothing was familiar to me. I had no choice but to look to God to provide for my every need and He did so, amazingly. That is what He isgoing to do for us now. He’s calling us out of ourcomfortable church life and community where everyone knows everyone and we’ve learned to be completely comfortable with each other. But the cool thing is that He’s not leaving us on our own to figure things out. Just as He was so with us while we were at Midtown, He is joining us all in our new pursuits.He’s the leader saying to us all, “Andiamo” - “Let’s go!” – out into the unknown, into the uncomfortableand possibly even the unbelievable so that we can experience and depend on Him more and more than ever before. As we go out into the foreign world of churches that don’t meet at 4:30 in the afternoon,with people who don’t know us and may not even care if we show up from week to week. (we might not even get snack before and after church, AHHH), God is going to be working in all of us, individually and collectively. Amazing things are going to happen. You just wait and see…Maybe you have a vision or some ideas about where God saying “Let’s go”… if so, here’s a forum to bring those visions to: Chris and I announced last night that we want to continue to open our house on Wed evenings at 7pm for prayer and discussion while our church is in the interim of finding new churches and other transitions.Please come to share how God is working in and throughyou, to pray for the church search and to update us on the joys and trials of this process. Blessings, France

PS> See you Sunday – Andiamo Midtown! Dio te benedice (Italian for “God bless you)

Our church closed it's doors

After 7 years of service to our church, our pastor announced his resignation on the night of Matthew's dedication to the Lord. He had been praying about it for about a year and was preparing for the birth of his second child (who was born the very next morning at 3:08am - his wife was in the beginnings of labor at the dedication and during the church meeting - very exciting). There were many reasons for his resigning, mainly that he didn't feel he was called any longer to be our pastor, he also needed more money than we had as a church to support his family. Due to the lack of money in our church and members leaving for various reasons - to move to other cities for jobs or graduate school, to go to churches with bigger children's programs or ones that meet in the morning or closer to their homes - it was evident that we wouldn't be able to hire a new pastor, at least one who would want to work for pretzels (the always present snack at our church). So with two weeks notice, a lot of tears and explanation, it was announced that Midtown Community as we know it would no longer exist. This is the church where my husband and I met, where we worshipped for 7 years, where we grew in our faith, our devotion and service to Christ, where we loved and served and celebrated with so many people who were like family to us.
When I heard the news, I wasn't entirely surprised, but disappointed. When Matthew was born, Chris and I had talked about not wanting to leave to find another church, as so many other parents had done because the service was at 4:30 in the afternoon and ended well into the time they needed to put their kids to bed. Not only was that not the case for us (Matty's bedtime is 9pm), but we decided we could sacrifice his schedule for one day so that we could still worship in our prefered location. Little did we know that we wouldn't have a choice, just 5 1/2 months later.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I waited for the tears. Even tried to make them cry, but God was giving me the vibes that He knew what was going on and that He had a plan bigger than we could imagine.

Still answering the previous prayer

It turns out, and I haven't gotten the whole story yet, but the teacher I met on the plane home from San Diego is not going to work out after all to join my staff. She said she prayed about it and it doesn't quite fit into her schedule at this time. I was pretty disappointed, but I guess it means God hasn't finished answering my prayer on this just yet. So I'm back to square one. I'm putting my ad in with God and possibly at the local school district. In the meantime, Matty will be my assistant teacher and his dad and grandma will watch him when they can.